


All My Fault

by ClockworkHobbit



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 10:04:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6113110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockworkHobbit/pseuds/ClockworkHobbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the Battle of Hogwarts Harry, Ron, and Hermione are racing to destroy the Horcruxes. Meanwhile others are fighting for their lives, fighting for their families, and fighting for survival.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All My Fault

> "Once we have a war there is only one thing to do. It must be won. For defeat brings worse things than any that can ever happen in war." - Ernest Hemingway

* * *

 

We stood in the courtyard. Our backs pressed against each other. Keeping each other safe. Protecting each other.

Flashes of colours. Flashes of lights. Flying around. I ducked and shot spell after spell, curses, protective charms, one right after the other. Keeping him safe as he protected me.

When I killed my first, he made sure I was okay. Reassured me. Told me that it had to be done. Our hands brushed together, then we were back in the fray.

He made sure that I never got hit, I did the same. We were there for each other. 

He pulled me away when it almost happened. The unthinkable.

I wish I could say the same.

I wish for death, now. After everything I have seen.

Everything I have done.

He would tell me not to think like that. That what I did had to be done.

He would stroke my hair back from my face when I had a nightmare. Hold me as I shook. Tell me everything was going to be okay. Sing softly under his breath until I fell back into the depths of sleep.

That's what should have happened. Should be happening.

Instead there's no one.

I wake up in the night alone. Cry alone. I bury my face in his pillow, smothering my breathing until I can drift back off to sleep.

I wish I could say that sleep was an escape. That that's where my peace is.

Instead of where my guilt lies. Showing me image after image of all the dreadful things I did. The things I could have stopped but didn't.

I am an awful person.

I should have saved him. I should've moved, protected him like he protected me so faithfully.

It should have been me.

Why do I deserve life while he deserves death?

If he could hear me he would tell me that that's wrong. That I should live and move on with my life. Keeping him as a fond memory.

But how can I do that to him?

How am I supposed to move on, from the person I love, when it is my fault he's gone.

I can still see it.

The green curse flashing over my shoulder, hitting him. Ripping his life away from me.

I tried to catch him, but I was never a strong person.

My knees buckled, and we fell to the floor

My fists curled in his robes, a wail escaping my mouth.

I remember the feel of him lying against me. If it had been summer it would have been normal.

Him leaning against me by the black lake, my fingers trailing through his hair, while we supposedly did our homework.

I ran my fingers through his hair one last time.

I fired a green light back at his murderer. It hit the target.

Everything after that is a blur.

I remember dragging him slowly towards the castle, my feet catching on rubble. Stumbling. Screaming to him that he'll be okay.

He couldn't hear.

He never would again.

If I'd been quicker. Better. He would still be alive.

It's my fault that he's dead.

All my fault.


End file.
